Of facts, bodily fundamentals, and other fun stuff... the role of early research in a time of digestive suffering
In this episode, I offer a mix of 'meat and potatoes' (namely facts) with some autobiographical moments and vignettes from May 2002. Before my diagnosis, I had to depend upon myself and learn a little about the digestive tract. While trying to pinpoint the core of my suffering, playing Sherlock Holmes with my own body, I encounter numerous, hopeless doctors and a sporty naturopath. Unfortunately, all of them offer me little in the way of help and insight. It's a long haul, this fact-finding mission. Yet, I am not going to make it to my specialist appointment coming up in July. I am falling apart, barely getting through a day. My father has to step in and, with him, we confront our clueless family doctor.
Selection of journal entries, May 2002
Saturday, May 25th, 2002
I believe the Gatorade has been giving me the most trouble. Considering I never had 17 bowel movements before. Doctors I shall not trust. I am making my recovering, and it will take time. I will see the naturopath again and get a proper examination. I will call Monday. Less heavy feeling now.
Nose bleed when I blow my nose…
Average Times I went Before
12:00, 5:00, 6:00, 6:30, 2:00pm, 6:00, 9:00
Monday, May 27th, 2002
Alimentary canal, Leonardo Da Vinci - Royal Collection Trust/HM Queen Elizabeth II 2012
It is frustrating, I weighed 117.5 lbs yesterday morning, and now I weigh 116. It seems like I am just putting together a liquid system. Very frustrating, but I remain steady, stoic. I wish I knew you had to take antibiotics while continuing with acidophilus. I wish there was some device to completely shake my system back into gear.
Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
Horrible, horrible night last night. Did not take any Immodium until the pain was absolutely excruciating. Thankfully, I am no longer emotional about the complete lack of accountability of my body. My stomach was in sheer agony, blood in every movement, I felt like I was going to fall apart and scream. Unbelievable, how exhausting such nightmares become.
I ask myself, how do I keep going? Two steps forward, three steps back. My stomach has to kick in eventually and begin to work functionally, my bowels will have to slow down – something must be absorbed and retained. I must gain weight!
Otherwise, all it is, when I go to the bathroom, is blood and the smell of fecal matter…
Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
Slight feelings of bitterness this morning. I simply need, want and long for answers to give myself, to establish a healthy balance in my life. Every day so far I woke up saddened and confused. Nonetheless, I do get out of bed, I do make breakfast, I keep going as though I were imitating someone with genuine patience, a person who could be at ease in a rainstorm, thunderstorm and even an accident or war. Calmness in such a thing that despite our sorrows and frustration it becomes our overpowering, it holds us. There is no emergency in my situation, yet I am tired of my aloneness.