Some Indeed or in the company of others
In this episode, I reflect upon the souls I met while at McMaster University Hospital in March 2003. I highlight the tender moments, the moments of bonding and unity as well as conflict amongst fellow patients and staff and how happiness, as Leo Tolstoy wrote in his novel, The Cossacks, truly belongs in the company of others, whatever the circumstances or the difficulties we are enduring. I also meet a former sufferer of irritable bowel syndrome, who tells me something quite revealing regarding the way he managed to find equilibrium in his digestive-distressed life. His revelation will prove a key to my future healing and overcoming of ulcerative colitis.
“‘…How then must I live to be happy, and why was I not happy before?’ And he began to recall his former life and he felt disgusted with himself. He appeared to himself to have been terribly exacting and selfish, though he now saw that all the while he really needed nothing for himself. And he looked round at the foliage with the light shining through it, at the setting sun and the clear sky, and he felt just as happy as before. ‘Why am I happy, and what used I to live for?’ thought he. ‘How much I exacted for myself; how I schemed and did not manage to gain anything but shame and sorrow! and, there now, I require nothing to be happy;’ and suddenly a new light seemed to reveal itself to him. ‘Happiness is this!’ he said to himself. ‘Happiness lies in living for others. That is evident.’”
Riddarfj’rden in Stockholm (1898) - Eugène Jansson
Manche freilich... Hugo von Hofmannstall Some Indeed
Manche freilich müssen drunten sterben Some indeed must die deep down below
wo die schweren Ruder der Schiffe streifen, Among rudders of ships, their wakes in flow,
andere wohnen bei dem Steuer droben, while others are closer to the pilot’s helm,
kennen Vogelflug und die Länder der Sterne. Knowing the flights of birds, stars in their realm.
Manche liegen mit immer schweren Gliedern Meanwhile, some lie weighed down by their limbs
bei den Wurzeln des verworrenen Lebens, Nearest to the roots of crushed lives
anderen sind die Stühle While others are set up ceremoniously on chairs
bei den Sibyllen, den Königinnen, Placed next to the sibyls, the queens
und da sitzen sie wie zu Hause, And sitting there, they are at home
leichten Hauptes und leichter Hände. Light hearts and light hands.
Doch ein Schatten fällt von jenen Leben And yet a shadow is flung from these lives
in die anderen Leben hinüber, Cast out over the worlds of others
und die leichten sind an die schweren As those who are light remain bound to the
wie an Luft und Erde gebunden. Heavy like the air above is to this earth.
Ganz vergessener Völker Müdigkeiten The weariness of forgotten nations
kann ich nicht abtun von meinen Lidern, Cannot be waived from off mine lids
noch weghalten von der erschrockenen Seele Nor can I keep from my astonished soul,
stummes Niederfallen ferner Sterne. The quiet falling of further stars.
Viele Geschicke weben neben dem meinen, Many destinies weave themselves next to mine,
durcheinander spielt sie all das Dasein, Being plays them out together, intertwined,
und mein Teil ist mehr als dieses Lebens And my lone part is more than this’s life
schlanke Flamme oder schmale Leier. Slender flame and all-too-narrow lyre.
Translation - Christijan Robert Broerse